5 Things All Couples Should Stop Doing

1. Stop Telling embarrassing stories or jokes about your spouse.

Using your spouse as the brunt of your joke, demeaning them or sharing an embarrassing story in front of others is not only disrespectful, it also ruins your relationship.

Your spouse may laugh along but deep down it doesn’t feel good.

You and your spouse should be each other’s dependable, safe haven. When your spouse throws you under the bus – even as a joke – it messes up your positive dynamic.

Judaism views embarrassing another person as akin to murder. Keep this in mind, especially for the person you love the most and want to keep safe and happy- your spouse.

2. Stop doing everything and enlist help.

Are you frustrated that you have to do everything yourself? Do you feel that all the household chores land on you? If you simply stop you might be pleasantly surprised.

In marriage you have to make space for someone else to do the job. They may do it differently than you but that doesn’t make it wrong. The key to enlisting help is to make space for the other person to help, and let them do it their own way.

Instead of complaining that you do everything simply say, “I wish I could do it all but I can’t.” Can’t is a very different word than won’t. “Can’t” allows your spouse to become the hero or heroine, helping you and feeling powerful doing so. “Won’t” creates a power struggle that is difficult to end.

3. Stop letting it all hang out.

While vulnerability is super important in a relationship and develops closeness, letting it all hang out does not nurture intimacy.

Keep your behaviors and words refined.

No matter how long you’ve been married, you and your spouse deserve to be courted by each other. Grooming yourself and keeping bodily functions private is an act of respect to your spouse (and yourself).

Being respectful of each other’s private space will keep the spark alive.

4. Stop criticizing.

Criticism takes many forms.

Telling your spouse that you don’t like how they dress, or that what they said in front of friends was weird, is criticism.

Try your best to ignore the negative instead and focus on reinforcing the positive. It’s a form of grace to let it slide without pointing it out. Long term, you will see change and have a better relationship for it.

5. Stop ignoring the good.

The biggest complaint spouses share today is that they feel under-appreciated. Both wives and husbands work so hard to stay afloat in life and when their efforts go unnoticed it’s painful and demotivating.

Appreciation can be a powerful force in marriage. Make an effort to notice something positive about your spouse, each day, and express it to them. Not only will they be happy but you will find that your love for them grows as well.

If you stay away from these five acts and focus on their counterparts, your marriage will improve drastically. Pick one and start seeing a change now.

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