Four Tools to Manage Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You

Dr. Ethan Kross’s new book Shift, he presents a toolbox of practical strategies to manage your feelings and shift your emotional states. One of the world’s leading experts on the conscious mind, Ethan expands on his previous research on how to harness the voice in your head presented in his book Chatter and delves into different ways you can shift your feelings.

You can turn the volume of your emotions up or down. You can lengthen or shorten the amount of time you spend in each feeling. Or you can shift from one emotion to the next.

Here are four types of tools to shift your feelings based on Dr. Kross’s newest research.

1. Sensory Shift.

You can purposely activate your senses to push your emotions in a particular direction. You’ve probably experienced getting into the car feeling down and playing a favorite song immediately lifts your mood. But music is only one way to use your senses to change how you feel. You can light a candle with a favorite scent. You can taste a drink or dish you love. You can hold a loved one’s hand or pet your dog. And you can look at a picture or a sight that fills you with awe like a beautiful sunset or majestic mountain.

The key to this tool is to intentionally use your senses as potential gateways to different emotional states.

2. Space Shift.

Your environment has a tremendous influence on how you feel; there are tools hidden all around you. You can set up or change your surroundings to shift your emotions. For example, research shows that having greenery in the room, even if the plants are artificial, boosts your mood. Displaying photos of people you love in your space and even books that are meaningful to you can also shift your emotional state.

Identify what Kross refers to as your “emotional oasis” or a comforting, favorite place that reliably brings you joy. It can be a coffee shop nearby or a park in your town. It can be a vacation spot that you love or a room in your house. You can visit it or even just go there in your mind to shift your emotions to a place of joy.

3. Time Shift.

You can time travel to manage your emotions. If you are stressed about something, think about how you will feel about the situation in a week, a month and then in a year. Will this matter so much then?

Or travel back in time to a period when you (or your ancestors) faced a much harder predicament. How does that compare to your current stressors?

Kross teaches that always trying to live in the present moment isn’t always possible or helpful. When you wake up in the middle of night worrying about something, keep in mind that there is a trajectory for every emotion. The moment it gets triggered, whether by a thought or event, the emotion is at its highest peak. You don’t necessarily need to stay in the awfulness of the moment, cycling ‘what ifs’ endlessly through your mind. You can zoom out to see the bigger picture by time traveling because every emotion decreases in intensity over time.

Using time to shift your feelings gives you access to future hope and the knowledge that as bad as it is now, you will eventually feel better.

4. Connection Shift.

Reaching out to people who are reliable sources of support and encouragement is one of the most effective tools for shifting how you feel. But Kross cautions that, contrary to popular belief, venting can often make you feel worse. If you are venting to someone who is going to mirror and reinforce your frustrated or depressed view, then you will have a hard time shifting your emotions. When you vent you often just share the surface level of the problem in order to let something out. Instead connect by focusing on exploring the thoughts and feelings about the situation with someone who will challenge and help you reframe your perspective. You can also use this tool by connecting with someone who has experienced a similar challenge and can share how they coped with it.

Beyond these tools, Kross’ book dispels some common myths like you can’t control your emotions or that negative emotions mean that something is wrong with you. He writes: “Time and again, I encounter people who report feeling bad, as though something is wrong with them, if they experience anger, anxiety, sadness or any of the other myriad negative feelings that bubble up inside us from time to time. That sentiment reflects a pervasive belief: That negative emotions are harmful. They’re not.”

Your emotions, whether positive or negative, are gifts you are given to help you navigate the world. But they are gifts that you can manage so that they don’t manage you.

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