Increasing Joy Even in Times of Darkness

In Jewish life, time carries an emotional rhythm. We mourn, we rejoice, we contract, we expand — all in sync with the spiritual energy of the calendar. The Talmud teaches, “When the month of Av enters, we decrease in joy” (Taanit 29a). But when the month of Adar arrives, we do the opposite: “When Adar enters, we increase in joy.”

The text says we increase rather than arrive at joy. Joy isn’t a destination; it’s a practice. We don’t “arrive” at happiness. We cultivate it, one small step at a time — slowly, steadily — like the moon waxing toward fullness. And it’s already there, something we increase and nurture.

After sadness or loss, we can’t leap straight into happiness. Especially now, after experiencing collective tragedy, like the heartbreaking funeral of the Bibas family, the idea of joy might feel distant or even out of place. But Adar teaches us that joy isn’t all or nothing. It’s something we build, one small step at a time.

How do we start increasing joy when our hearts still feel heavy?

The answer lies in understanding what joy really is — and recognizing that growth is a process, not a straight line.

Redefining Joy: It’s Not About Constant Smiles

In Judaism, simcha (joy) doesn’t mean walking around smiling and laughing all the time. True joy is a deep sense of being present and connected to life — even when life is hard.

We all carry two sides of the heart: the laughing side and the crying side. Joy doesn’t erase sadness; it makes space for both. In Judaism, even the saddest moments are given space. We sit shiva, we recite Kaddish, we cry.

True joy doesn’t come from ignoring sadness but from allowing ourselves to feel everything. “Those who sow with tears will reap with joy” (Psalms, 126:5). It’s through feeling the depth of our pain that we can also access the depth of our joy.

At its core, joy comes from connection:

Connection to God: A deep trust that even in darkness we are held, engendering quiet inner contentment.

Connection to purpose: Engaging fully in what we’re doing, harnessing our will to be present. The more we invest in meaningful actions, the more alive we feel.

When we understand that joy isn’t the absence of pain but the presence of purpose, the idea of increasing joy — even after loss — starts to feel possible.

Connection to our souls: Remembering that beneath all our struggles, we have an unblemished divine spark. This is the part of us that can always access joy, no matter the circumstances.

When we understand that joy isn’t the absence of pain but the presence of purpose, the idea of increasing joy — even after loss — starts to feel possible.

Practical Ways to Build Joy

We don’t have to force joy or rush the process. Increasing joy starts with taking the first small step. And then another.

1. Allow Yourself to Feel Everything

The more we let ourselves feel the full range of emotions, the more room we create for light to enter. You might feel a burst of hope one day and sink back into sadness the next. That’s normal. It’s human. And it’s okay.

2. Bring Judaism into Your Life

Torah is called a source of life and healing. Even learning one short idea a day can infuse your heart with light and perspective. Performing mitzvot, commandments, also connects us to our soul’s purpose — and it’s through this connection that true joy can blossom.

3. Do Acts of Kindness

Nothing lifts the spirit like giving to others. Whether it’s a kind word, a meal for a neighbor, or helping someone in need, kindness expands the heart. It reminds us that we have the power to bring light into the world, even in small ways.

4. Have a ‘Snap-Out’ Line for Tough Moments

When negativity creeps in, having a mantra can help shift your mindset. It could be as simple as: “This moment will pass.” Or a reminder: “God is with me, even here.” These small phrases can act like spiritual lifelines when your heart feels heavy.

5. Strengthen Your Relationships

Our greatest source of joy comes from connection. Spending time with loved ones, even if it’s just for a short call or coffee, can help ease sadness and remind us that we’re not alone.

6. Practice Gratitude

Even when joy feels distant, gratitude can be a gentle light in the darkness. It doesn’t erase pain, but it softens it. Take a moment each day to list three things you’re grateful for. It might be hard at first, but over time, these moments of thankfulness can shift your perspective. Gratitude isn’t about ignoring struggles but recognizing that, even in tough times, there’s something to hold onto.

A Gradual Climb, Not a Straight Line

The journey towards joy is rarely linear. Some days we might feel like we’re moving backward. That’s normal. Healing and growth often look like two steps forward, one step back.

The key is not to give up. Every small act of joy — every prayer, every mitzvah, every moment of presence — adds up. Slowly, the darkness lifts, and the light grows stronger.

The Full Moon of Joy: Purim’s Promise

It’s no coincidence that Adar’s joy peaks at Purim when the moon is full. Purim is a celebration of hidden miracles — of light emerging from the darkest places. It reminds us that even when God’s presence feels concealed, He is always working behind the scenes.

Just like the Purim story unfolds in hidden layers, our inner journey is full of hidden transformations — even the ones we can’t yet see.

Our joy may start out hidden. But if we keep increasing it, step by step, we’ll eventually see the full picture. The joy that comes after pain is deeper, more authentic. It’s the joy of knowing that we’ve walked through darkness — and found life on the other side.

The joy of Adar is the quiet defiance of a people who have known unimaginable pain and still choose to sing, trusting that even the smallest sparks can grow into radiant light.

And maybe by the time Purim arrives, we’ll find ourselves dancing, even if it’s through tears.

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