Jealousy’s Dual Spirits
A spirit of jealousy passed over him, and he had warned his wife, and she had become defiled. Or a spirit of jealousy passed over him, and he had warned his wife, and she had not been defiled.[2]
Tractate Sotah pretty much leads off with a dispute about the propriety of a husband acting on his jealousy by warning his wife not to seclude herself with a particular male. This warning can trigger the entire sotah procedure if the wife disregards her spouse’s warning. One opinion has it that the jealous-husband warning mentioned by the Torah speaks after the fact. In other words, his action is ill-advised. It would be better for him not to issue the warning. The Torah describes what happens if he ignores our advice.
R. Akiva disagrees. He considers the warning a mitzvah.
The stakes are high according to both opinions. On the one hand, the “spirit of jealousy” that comes over the husband can prevent moral decay. He may have accurately sensed a certain disregard for accepted norms, a looseness about the sanctity of marriage. Stifling his reaction can encourage a dilution of the taharah of the Jewish family.
But the warning comes at a price. If the wife was not guilty of some major indiscretion – if his actions stem from overbearing strictness – he is setting the stage for marital discord and mutual suspicion. Moreover, he is sentencing his wife to a humiliating treatment in the beis hamikdosh.
The Sages hold that the price is too great, and he should suppress his jealousy, even though this will likely lead to cases where marital infidelity will not be caught and dealt with. R. Akiva disagrees. He should follow his instincts, and safeguard the sanctity of matrimony. Even he, however, places many restrictions upon acting on this “spirit of jealousy.” Rambam[3] collects them. “[A husband] should not issue his warning out of jest, or in a manner of casual conversation, or out of levity, or because of an argument, nor to instill fear in her.” It should only be issued “privately, between him and her, calmly, and in the manner of taharah.”[4]
This is all hinted at in our pasuk. Why does the second half of the verse require a repetition of the introductory phrase, “A spirit of jealousy passed over him, and he had warned his wife.” It could have given this once, and then continued “and she was defiled, or she was not defiled.”
What the pasuk hints at is that there are two types of spirits of jealousy. One, where the woman actually was defiled, and the spirit that overcomes him is one of genuine concern for taharah. Another spirit, however, takes hold of the husband whose wife has not sinned. It comes from elsewhere; it is not born of taharah.
We have seen how the Torah puts a premium on avoiding conflict and friction, even when this might mean an unintended sacrifice of communal taharah. But it is not just in regard to the laws of sotah that the Torah insists upon cooling the flames of dissension. The “mother lode,” so to speak, of maintaining Torah standards is in the mitzvah of tochecha/rebuke. “You shall reprove your fellow, and not bear a sin because of him.”[5] The Zohar[6] says that the point of the pasuk is to show an abundance of love to the sinner! We want to save him from punishment that might come as a consequence of his sin. Hashem does the same, as the pasuk states, “He whom Hashem loves, he reproves.”[7] We are to learn from Him.
His rebuke comes entirely from a place of love. So must our chastisement of a fellow Jew come only from a place of love.
- Adapted from Be’er Moshe, by the Ozherover Rebbe zt”l ↑
- Bamidbar 5:14 ↑
- Hilchos Sotah 4:18 ↑
- Ibid. halacha 19 ↑
- Vayikra 19:17 ↑
- Zohar3 85b ↑
- Mishlei 3:12 ↑
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Date: June 6, 2025
