Jews Looking for Love Are Finding Hate

As if meeting “the one” isn’t hard enough, some Jewish singles looking for love online are finding hate. The horrific events of 10/7 and the subsequent war in Gaza which unleashed a flood of unprecedented antisemitism throughout universities, coffee shops, and even hospitals, have infiltrated dating apps. A scroll through Reddits and Subreddits chronicling Jewish dating reveals a frightening new trend: Jews need not apply.

A 30-year-old woman who swipes on Hinge writes, “Since October, I feel as though I suddenly have a target on my back, both in real life (though my Judaism is not “apparent” until I disclose) and especially online and on the dating apps (where my Judaism and connection to Israel…is more apparent)”.

Another Jewish dater says, “I self-identify as Jewish. I assume it turns off some matches (I see a lot of ‘no Zionists’ and I’m like cool, thanks I’m so glad to know to skip you).”

A third dater complains that “Every Jew is forced to become an Ambassador for Israel in 2024. No other group is held to the same standard.’ One post reads, “I got some very explicit antisemitic comments on my profile in the days after October 7…and I didn’t even have anything about Israel, just that I’m Jewish.”

Many liberal-minded Jews are discovering that just about all identities are accepted, even praised – unless you’re Jewish.

There have been other horrific attacks against Jews in the 21st century but much-unfettered antisemitism but not quite as overt; what is it about the events about 10/7 and demonstrations against Israel that caused this seismic shift in non-orthodox, Non-affiliated Jews?

In a new and noticeable trend, non-religious Jews in the dating universe are reconnecting with their Jewish roots. They are sensing a new pride in their religion, and along with this pride, they recognize that they want to connect only with potential partners who are Jewish.

“I never thought dating only within the Jewish community was a criterion for me, but now I’m rethinking.”

Allison, 30 (name changed for privacy), a public relations executive who lives just outside a large metropolitan area, says, “After 10/7, I’ve felt this internal pull toward the Jewish community and have felt that to be as involved and connected as I can be. As I’ve gotten more involved, I’ve noticed how hard it is to connect with non-Jews, not just on Israel but also on topics like family and culture. I have a hard time dating non-Jews because I always feel different. I’ve decided to actively seek out Jewish partners because they just ‘get it’.”

An anonymous poster on Reddit says, “I never thought dating only within the Jewish community was a criterion for me, but now I’m rethinking.” Dating Jews exclusively is a consequential decision that narrows down the field of potential mates. A Jewish woman who decided to date only Jews puts it like this: “I’m 44F, so that shrinks my pool beyond what I’d like to think about. But there’s also no way I could be going through this kind of mental and emotional gymnastics every day, or in my own home.”

Some singles have also mentioned a newfound feeling of responsibility to propagate future generations of Jews. They admit they hadn’t felt this way prior to 10/7. This appears to be a theme repeated over and over. A young man voices his thoughts, saying, “I’m a young man in college. I was pretty open to any woman as long as we vibed and she was attractive. Now, Jewish women are the best option for me. Honestly, I always had planned to perhaps marry a Jewish woman, but not a necessity. Now I know for a fact she has to be Jewish after Oct 7 many shed their nice appearance and became straight up bigots.”

From another poster, “I can’t really fathom dating someone not Jewish at this point because I want to get married and have kids…” Another poster says, “When I was growing up, my mom always told me that I should make sure to date/marry someone Jewish so our culture doesn’t die out when we have kids. I told her that was dumb and I can raise a bi-religious family or that I might not even raise them Jewish. As I got older, I realized how easily Judaism, as the minority culture here, can be erased over 1-2 generations.”

Rather than discussing the merits of a Palestinian state and the tactics of the IDF over cocktails or scrolling through watermelon emojis, Jewish singles are finding new outlets to meet. Ringle, a dating site based in Israel, reports, “A few months after the war began, we have noticed a general uptick in user registration across all our religious categories. People we hadn’t imagined would be joining the app in masses in the first place. People who identify as secular, traditional, or even just Jewish have created profiles on Ringle and seem to be looking specifically for Jewish partners. It does seem as if Jewish people are less interested in marrying out, and are more connected to and proud of their Jewish heritage. You can even see it in the way they build their profiles, mentioning how important their heritage is to them despite not necessarily practicing Orthodox Judaism.”

While Jewish singles may feel embattled, they are actually winning the war by choosing to share their lives with someone who shares their values and heritage.

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