What is God’s Love Language?

If someone were to ask you why Jews have so many mitzvot, commandments, what would you tell them? The answer lies in an unexpected place – right in the middle of the Torah’s most comprehensive legal code. There, among the foundational laws that would transform human civilization, we find a commandment that seems to make no sense at all.

The Legal Puzzle

From the first line of this week’s Torah portion, the Torah presents laws covering everything from worker’s rights to caring for the poor to criminal justice to property disputes. These statutes create the foundation for a moral society, establishing principles that would later become pillars of law across civilizations. Everything seems perfectly judicious until 23:19, when the Torah suddenly breaks form with “Do not boil a kid in its mother’s milk” – the first appearance of the famous prohibition against cooking or eating meat with milk.

As a Business/Preventive Health Major, fitness junkie of roughly 20 years, and Certified Personal Trainer, I’ve run the gambit of health trends and I can assure you that no one has ever blacklisted (farm-raised, organic) chicken parmesan. The medieval commentator, Rabbeinu Bachya, offers several complex interpretations for this commandment, then (metaphorically) throws up his hands and says, “The fact is that the entire legislation belongs to the category of Hukim, the statutes for which no logical reason can be found… The true meaning of these statutes will not be revealed to us until after the arrival of the Messiah.”

How does this supra-rational prohibition fit into a list of 53 of the most logical moral laws governing human relationships? Furthermore, what is the purpose of this entire category of commandments known as Hukim that are beyond our comprehension?

Love Above Logic

To answer these questions, let’s zoom out: why did God give us mitzvot in the first place?

Here are two common answers:

• Mitzvot are the burden we must bear to receive reward and avoid punishment (in this world and the next)
• Mitzvot are the guidelines for a functioning society

Each of these answers contains an essential truth. The Torah explicitly links our adherence to mitzvot with our fate, and these commandments provide the moral foundation for our civilized world. But there’s a deeper, more profound truth behind these explanations. To uncover that truth, let me share a story:

On a flight, Rabbi Manis Friedman¹ found himself sitting next to a devout Christian. The woman confidently explained to the Rabbi, “Because Jesus atoned for our sins, we no longer have to keep all the 613 commandments of the Torah – we can get to Heaven through God’s grace alone!”

He responded “Wow, and do you keep kosher?”

She looked at him quizzically, then restated her original explanation. Rabbi Friedman pressed on “Ok, but do you keep kosher?”

Bewildered, she stammered, “Why would I keep kosher?”

“Well, it seems like you really love God. Don’t you think it would be good to do what He likes even if it doesn’t help you get to heaven?”

Rabbi Friedman’s brilliant response illuminates a profound paradigm shift: The woman saw commandments purely as a means to an end – following them only made sense if they helped achieve salvation. But Rabbi Friedman revealed a deeper truth: each mitzvah offers us the chance to express our love for our Creator. This understanding transforms mitzvot from obligations into opportunities for relationship. As the Rambam teaches, “One who serves God out of love occupies himself in Torah and mitzvos and walks in the paths of wisdom for no ulterior motive: not because of fear that evil will occur, nor in order to acquire benefit. Rather, he does what is true because it is true.”²

God’s Love Language

This idea of mitzvot as expressions of love runs even deeper – it’s woven into the very word itself. At the root of the word mitzvah (מצוה) is the word tzav (צו). Rashi defines tzav as the command to act with passionate enthusiasm, now and for all time.³ Later Kabbalistic commentaries⁴ connect the word mitzvah (מצוה) to the Aramaic word צוותא, tzavta, which means “connection”. Putting these definitions together, a mitzvah is an opportunity to connect with God by following His will with passionate enthusiasm, now and for all time.⁵Now we can understand why the Torah places this seemingly irrational prohibition in the midst of perfectly logical laws. While these commandments establish justice and determine reward and punishment, this mitzvah teaches us their deepest purpose is to build our relationship with God. Think of it this way: if your spouse asks something of you, understanding their reasoning might add meaning, but the act itself expresses love whether you understand it or not. In fact, following a request you don’t fully grasp can demonstrate an even deeper love than doing what makes perfect sense to you.

Now our opening question practically answers itself: Why do we have so many mitzvot? Because just as every explicit and implicit request our spouse makes of us gives us an opportunity to build our marriage, so too each mitzvah is another opportunity to express our love and strengthen our relationship with God. To put it simply, the mitzvot are God’s love language!

Infusing Our Mitzvot With Love

If you are not yet fully mitzvah observant, find one aspect of Torah – perhaps in Shabbat or Kashrut – that seems beyond logic and take it on purely as an expression of love for God. If you are fully observant, choose one mitzvah you already do and add this dimension of love by stating before you perform it, ‘I am doing this for You, because I love You.’

With every mitzvah we do, may our hearts grow fuller with love for our Creator!

Shabbat Shalom!
Avraham

1. Rabbi Friedman is one of the most well-known Torah teachers of our modern day. This essay is based on his teachings
2. Mishnah Torah – Hilchos Teshuva 10:2
3. Leviticus 6:2
4. The Shach and the Sfas Emes
5. The very structure of the word mitzvah – מצוה – encodes the mechanics of how this divine connection works. You’ll notice that the final two letters of mitzvah – וה – are the last two letters of God’s four-letter name (יהוה). But what about the first two letters? Using the Kabbalistic tool of At-Bash (where letters are paired from opposite ends of the Hebrew alphabet), we can transform the first two letters: מ, the 13th letter from the end, corresponds to י, the 13th from the beginning; צ, the 5th from the end, corresponds to ה, the 5th from the beginning. Through this transformation, מצוה reveals the complete divine name יהוה!
   The split nature of this revelation – with two letters transformed and two appearing naturally – reflects a deep truth about mitzvos themselves. The latter two letters of God’s name (וה) represent His visible expression in our physical world. The first two letters (יה) represent the transcendent aspects of divinity that we can sense but never fully grasp. Yet when we do a mitzvah, we flip the מ and the צ to י and ה. Thus, a mitzvah becomes our tool to bridge the physical and spiritual realms. Just as God is hidden in our world, yet can be perceived if we are sensitive to His involvement, so too our seemingly mundane physical actions – mitzvos – become a means to connect with the infinite divine.

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